Sunday, April 1, 2007

Lucy, you got some splainin' to do....

Dear reader;
I owe you an apology. Last friday I negligently failed to fulfill my posting duties. I cannot imagine the grief and hardship this must have caused; it won't happen again. Yours Sincerely,
Linda

So it seems that I should be explaining how it came to be that I acquired 2 husbands on my travels.... funny story I tell ya.....

We had various diners at various locales in Nefta, restaurants, people's homes etc... this evening just so happen to be at this "restaurant type place" in the palm oasis... they organized some kind of entertainment before dinner....however, after the entertainment we had to split up into smaller groups to sit at tables of 4.... my table had Virginia and Anjum plus one extra free place - it was taken by my new tunisian father in law...

During our conversation he asked if I was married, not thinking (silly Linda) I said "nope......." then under my breath "damn it...." as his face lit up.....He then decided that I should meet his youngest son (he's 23), in fact he will send him to the clinic the next day so I can give him some glasses.... uh oh, not good I thought myself - baaaaad situation......but I tried to smile nicely and through my clenched teeth.... oh, yeah good idea...Anyhoo the night went on, I tried to get away from this guy, he tried to chat with me... in the end we left and I said bye bye to this guy (I thought)

The next day during our clinic one of the doctors found me with the message that I had a visitor - wonderful, what the hell am I to do now.... so I went,just to say Hi... after beign pulled through a maze of corridors I was greeted by the smiling face of a 23 year old Tunisian guy. So I did the only thing that a nice polite canadian girl would do - shook his hand and said "nice to meet you". After that, it was a bit awkward as I waited for the doctor to escort me back but instead me asked..."are you going to give him an exam?" Shit, I wasn't rid of him yet.... so I took him back to our clinic and left him (after everyonewe passed laughed at my unfortunate stuation) in the line up to see the doctors and returned to my duties. A while later he showed up in the line up for glasses and I shoved Serge towards him as I explained - "he's yours, there's no way in hell I'm helping him...." What a great guy Serge is, he did it...however my next patient was seated next to him and was then subject to the grining and nodding of his aunt, one of our nurses..... not good at all.....As he was leaving I said a nice polite goodbye and showed him the door - story over, I thought...

I was feeling rather ill so I didn't go to lunch, but went back to the hotel and went to bed... my roomy Patrice showed up a while later and as we chatted about the day I had several visitors banging on my door.... Carlos and Martin..... who then informed me that I was not to leave my room, as my new father in law and this 23 year old kid were stationed near the pool quizzing everyone that passed where I was ..... hmmmmm, really not good - it seems I had a small problem. In any case I appointed the two aforementioned (for you KQ) guys as my personal bodyguards.... Time for dinner, I got ready and met the gang in the hotel lobby - however I was greeted with a room full of snickering people, the reason for the laughter was my father in law was sitting at the back of the lobby waiting for me... and for dinner - he was invited to our soiree by someone.... he then got up and greeted me with presents - presents that after I refused a few times I had to accept, and that I am currently wearing.....

Dinner that night was without incident but the next day I think my father in law showed up at the clinic, I was too busy to see him, but I was told he was there -

don't go just yet, the story gets worse.....

That day after clinic we had to switch to the hotel across the street, but we still had use of the other hotel pool - which we all did as it was gorgeous... so we were all basking in the tunisian sun and a group of us decided to go move our stuff over to the next hotel. Upon our return to the pool I was greeted with a message from Joanne and a few people sitting poolside....


After everyone stopped laughing hysterically at me, Patrice pipes up..."I'll trade you for a white camel" - more laughter, I'm almost in tears, and very displeased with everyone....but Carlos and Virginia at least feel my pain... and after getting out of the pool and seeing my note Martin says to me... "Hm, well do you want to marry me - then you don't have to marry him!" then he yells over to Pierre (a catholic priest) "Hey Pierre, can you marry us?" Perfect, problem solved! After my "poolside wedding" and beautiful black henna sesison we had a tea reception at a local cafe where Carlos gave an inspiring speech to the bride and groom.... more laughter with fake "refresh tears" running down our faces.

We return to the hotel for dinner, and interesting conversation with a professor (where I learned a women's place is here, her husband is here (higher up on the chain) followed by God (the highest)....). To this enlightening tidbit of knowledge I glare across the table at my new husband, who returns with a huge smile... and which turns into a joke all week long.. he reminding me of my "place" and me reminding him that there was a mistake and that he was the lowest and I was the highest..hahaha, it was really quite funny, but I guess you had to be there.

Next day we had to move to the Auberge (a disgusting little hole where we slept for one nasty night) and as I was running down the stairs to get into a caleche, I passed
Mohammed (my stalker / Tunisian husband) going up the stairs into the hotel...luckily for me he didn't see me and I ran as fast as I could to find someone to latch onto to protect me... I got away and back to the Auberge where Patrice, Julie, Virginia and I were then kidnapped and deformed (see the picture below with my "beautiful traditional henna design"). After a harrowing escape and Uupon our triumphant return to the auberge, Joanne intercepts me again... I have another message for you Linda... Mohamed found me at the hotel, and her words I swear "he begged me to find you, and get you to call him...and he even asked me to ask your friends to get you to call..." oh shit..... this is getting dangerous.....

In the end I had no more confrontations, but I refused to go into town that night and as I was in an out of the way hole in the wall I was sure that he couldn't find me.... now let's all hope that no one I gave my actual contact details to at the hospital feels is necessary to furnish the said details to my "tunisian husband / father in law"

In any case Martin and I jokingly spent the next week calling each other "chéri", hilarious......

Okay, that's enough writing for now... I'll try to think of other funny stories to share.... in the meantime we can all laugh about my misfortunes......

6 comments:

carino_girl said...

Hahahaha!!! That was an hysterical...did you get a pic of your Tunisian husband?!?

It's actually scary just how serious that 'father-in-law & son' were about the marriage.....

But i'm assuming (from your pics) the rest of your vacation was awesome!!

talk to you soon...D

Lulu said...

No no, no pics of my darling Mohamed...too scared to ask for one... but I will always remember his sweet 23 year old face....
But yeah, the rest was awesome - in fact that and the whole weird hand henna debacle were the only negative parts, and hey, they turned out to be quite hilarious in the end.

Drew said...

Brilliant Linda, brilliant...

Glad you made it back safely and had a good time though. But I bet the return through Montréal wasn't nearly as fun ;)

Lulu said...

True enough, no Cora's for me.... sadly!!!

Drew said...

Speaking of other funny stories, you almost made it 3 husbands that trip... apparently my neighbors thought that you were my new girlfriend... I had to explain that one very clearly!

Lulu said...

Awesome, I seem to have quite the collection!